Call it woman’s intuition. Call it your 6th sense. Call it, as Olivia Pope would call it, “trusting your gut”. Sometimes, we have to use these tools to figure out whether or not we can trust people. We’ve all be in situations where we’ve been lied to or the truth has been withheld. We know that trusting people after they’ve lied isn’t easy, but somehow, we manage to move on and attempt to put our trust in them (and others) again.
I’m reminded of my first boyfriend in high school who cheated on me with this girl in my class. Since he was my first everything, I didn’t leave him. Instead, I held on and tried working it out. I tried my hardest to trust him again. He, of course, begged for forgiveness and wanted to regain my trust desperately. Well, our little relationship went on and wouldn’t ya know, this bastard cheated on me AGAIN! What’s the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater”? I was 16 and naive. What did I know about trusting my gut back then? I knew something was up and I knew I should’ve just moved on. But I just…”loved” him so much and thought I should give him another chance. Stupid decision. Well, rest assured, I moved on after his second indiscretion and never looked back. Lesson learned. Or was it?
Recently, I found out some information about a so-called friend. This friend and I have had our ups and downs. In the past, our friendship ended based on lies that they told me. Here again, I should’ve gone with my gut and never let this person further into my life. I am learning that sometimes, you just have to keep some people at a distance. Well, silly me, I didn’t listen to my gut and just as I had predicted, this friend hurt me. I didn’t speak to them for nearly a year after this and probably should’ve kept it that way. Oh, but no. Not me. I just HAD to give them another chance. I received, what was supposedly, a heartfelt apology for all the wrong they had done. I accepted it and we moved on. Things were fine. We were building our friendship again. I was happy and felt that things were moving in the right direction. I thought my friend had really realized the errors they had made and wouldn’t ever deceive me again. Unfortunately, that all came to a crashing halt yesterday.
This time, there were no lies told, however, there was information withheld. To me, if you withhold something, you might as well be lying. I know some people think that not telling someone pertinent information is not lying. I can see how one would see that side. But I see it otherwise. Why? Well, in this case, I feel like my friend was withholding information in order to gain something from me. It’s a complicated situation, that unfortunately will have to remain vague. But I will say that because of the information they withheld, I was able to understand some of the decisions they made in our friendship over the last few months. All I can say is, it was shady and unnecessary. If we are friends, why not share things with me? Why not let me in on your life, as I let you in on mine? Essentially, let’s BE friends and not pretend!
With all that said, I had to search my soul. A long time ago, I felt deeply that this person was meant to be in my life. It’s one of the reasons I forgave them and allowed them back in. But I will be honest and say that it was my heart speaking. I loved this friend (in a friendly way) and wanted nothing more than for us to be friends again. But my conscious kept telling me to stay away. I knew I should’ve listened. Now, I’ve been burnt yet again by this person.
So, I’ve cut them from all of my social media outlets and I feel very free! I never have to hear/see them again. I’m done. I can move on and get on with life. Trusting someone is hard, and once that trust has been betrayed, it’s even harder to rebuild it. But instead of trusting in others, sometimes, we have to trust in ourselves in order to figure out the right thing to do. And sometimes, we have to accept that some people, no matter how great they may be in some facets of life, are not great at other aspects. I’m learning and accepting that notion as I grow older.