Write With Me (If You Want)

Below are two writing challenges I’m going to start soon! I wanted to post them in case any of you are feeling like you need/want to journal more (or if you wanted to start journaling). I wanted to use these as a way to jumpstart my regular writing. I have a few things written already from months back, but as I’m rereading them, they aren’t that interesting. *lol* Well, one post that has been sitting in my drafts for about… 3 years? … is my blog about spirituality/God. I may finally post that one. It is long though, so I may have to break it up into a two-parter. But that draft is the only one that I’m probably going to the post. The others are a little on the boring side, so I thought this challenge would get me going again. So, I’m going to use some of these prompts, in no particular order, to help me.

On a side note, I started another blog where I get a little more creative (poems, short stories, etc). I want to build it up a bit though (I don’t have too much there yet), so once I get it going, I’ll share the link!

Anyway, here are the writing prompts. Some of these topics are…old (see Day 15 of 30)… and some might seem a little juvenile(?). Funny, my search kept leading me to writing prompts for school-aged kids. What about the adults that need prompts!? Maybe I should write a writing challenge!!! Hmmm, methinks I should make that a post! What do you guys think? Ok, expect some weekly writing after my next therapy session (May 28th).

-t

BlogChallenge

30-day-blog

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In Pursuit of Passion

I was writing this post a while ago and decided to finally post it. I’m going to start integrating my regular posts back into the blog. I need to get back into my regular writing as I’ve been missing it! And so much has been happening in the world that I want to write about, so I’m drafting up some things to start putting out here. Anyway, here’s a non-therapy post. Enjoy!

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I was reading a devotional on the Bible app called, “Motivation: Finding Your It” and I read this below:

Blessings follow those who are doing the work that they were made to do. Money should be an incentive, not a motivation for you to do quality work. Your β€œit” has to be bigger than the money. It has to be bigger than the obstacles placed in front of you.

This quote is exactly why I stopped pursuing the things that I had a passion for. I stopped because everything I wanted to do wouldn’t bring me the income I wanted/the income we needed. I always focused on the money and it broke my heart when I realized whatever I wanted to pursue wasn’t going to be enough financially. I wish I could go back in time and continue those ventures harder. Maybe one of those things could’ve been a success and I wouldn’t be in therapy now.

However, as the saying goes, “everything happens for a reason”. And I’m so, so happy I decided to go to therapy! I needed it in so many areas of my life outside of just work-life issues.

I just wanted to share this because I know there are people out there (hey friends!) that have shared with me that they are tired of their jobs. I get it. I used to love my first job out of college, until I learned everything I needed to know in about six months! It got boring real fast, as the job never really changed over the 4.5 yrs I was there. Luckily, the staff I worked with (except for one person) was GREAT. Otherwise, I probably would’ve gone to grad school much sooner!

We all want to be in positions where we could walk away from boring, terrible, draining jobs but we can’t. We have bills to pay, families to provide for, etc. But being in the position I’m in now, with the help of therapy, is helping me realize how important our work is in the grand scheme of things. Outside of writing, I have always wanted to do something that would help people, which is why I fell in love with advising. I’m more of a one-on-one type of person (yay introverts!) and the idea of helping individuals always appealed to me. I think about this all the time, along with truly getting back into writing. I have an idea I’ve been mulling over in my head for years, but have dropped it several times for reasons mentioned above. Anxiety issues didn’t help either, so I’ve just tossed it aside. But my last therapy session gave me the jolt I needed to at least look at ways I can do it. I’m excited…with reservation! πŸ™‚

Anyway, that’s all for now. A new therapy blog will come after my May 28th session. Stay tuned! πŸ™‚

-t

Therapy: Setting Goals

Setting goals. That’s my homework for my next appointment at the end of the month.

I touched upon this before, that I haven’t set real goals for myself in quite some time. It has been difficult to set AND keep them. So this homework will be a good challenge for me. I haven’t the slightest idea of what goals to set, but I have to figure it out relatively quickly. Maybe it’ll be a gym related goal, seeing as I am going to start back getting into the gym now. That’s another blog for another day.

So this session was…a little…I don’t know. Light? Repetitive? I hadn’t seen her in a month, so I wrote some stuff down that came up for me over time. But those issues ended up being things that I had discussed in some form before, so her advice to me was the same. Here are some of those issues:

  1. Goal setting and feeling like they’re pointless. [MUST work on this!!]
  2. Feeling a bit of sadness when I think about the future. (More on this below.)
  3. The need to be ON and prepared if something tragic happens.

I did have an epiphany of sorts, but I can’t even remember exactly how I phrased it. Therapy is hard at times because I’m talking, listening and processing all at once! I seriously need to take notes! *lol*

Well, we did talk about my mom again. In general, we were discussing my feelings about making progress in life / trying to move forward. I think my epiphany came up during this discussion. I think it had to do with realizing how much I’ve been living my life for her approval (and others). So I guess it wasn’t quite an epiphany, but more so that whatever I said, I said it out loud. And I said it in a way that I hadn’t it in previous sessions.

Have you ever had those moments, when you finally admit your problems out loud and it hits you like a ton of bricks? And you’re like whoa, how did I not know this!? Well, the truth is, you knew the problem all along, you just didn’t want to admit it. That was me this week!

Maybe I have been blind to how my mother affects me. Maybe not blind, per se. As a child, you obey your parents. As adults, we still do it, but in a different way. I guess I’ve been trying to be obedient and listen to my mom’s advice all these years, but I knew someΒ of it wasn’t for me. But I didn’t want to hurt her by not following it. However, someone still got hurt. 😦

I think that’s the gist of my epiphany. I said it out loud that I’ve been hurt by trying to be a good daughter by listening to my mom. And it hurts me to even say it, but I can’t continue to try to live life according to her ways. I know it doesn’t make sense that I feel hurt. It just comes from a place of not wanting to let her down and wanting to be a good daughter, etc. Even as I get ready to turn 40 this year, I still feel obligated to heed and obey my parents. (Let me be real, it’s really just my mom who I feel this obligation to. My dad and I are typically on the same page and he gets me.) It’s…weird saying that I feel obligated to obey my parents, but it’s what I feel. Maybe it stems from guilt? Guilt from things I’ve done in the past as a teenager? Perhaps…perhaps. And I didn’t do anything “crazy” or illegal! *lol* I just wanna be clear about that! πŸ™‚Β  I did typical teenage sh*t. I had a boyfriend WAY too early and things happened… you know… things! And I got in trouble for those things, was forbidden to see him and STILL found a way to see him. That was it. Other than that, I was a pretty good kid.

I’m rambling, so I’m gonna cut this short. I’m in fix mode now…just trying to take all of my therapist’s words and apply them so I can manage the anxiety/worry/fear/etc.

Outside of my therapy, I’ve been reading a lot about mindfulness, meditation and trying to seek sources that pertain to positivity and pushing through difficult moments. I am definitely still reading my daily Bible devotionals, which are usually my go-to’s when I start feeling anxious/worried. But I have a slew of books I want to buy/read that deal with anxiety, so I’m going to try to focus on that this summer. I have a couple already, so maybe I’ll share some insight from them here at some point.

My main goal for the rest of this year is to stay PRESENT! Stop thinking of the future and dwelling on the past. Such a challenge, but I need to work on it daily.

Alrighty, that’s it. Sorry for any typos. I just did my nails and they are really long, so I’m trying to adjust to typing again. *lol*

-t